Here's a little story based on real life happenstances.
Well...I had an interesting morning. After getting meds from pharm we got home and I got it in me to feed the horses/ponies an apple we had that had gotten a bit soft. Well ... and these arn't really the horses names... I don't know the horses actual names still... but Trouble McFuzzbutt and Shadowfax Wanttobe were munching on their shares nice enough so I left to go inside....only Wanttobe began...well...us southerners call it "making a ruckus". I turn and he takes off running, neighing all the way. Next thing I know is Redspot Andrope echoed the ruckus from the other side of the house. Now normally...this isn't such a big deal...ruckus that is...BUT, there arn't supposed to be ponies on that side of the house. So...curious derp I am, I go to look. Sure enough Redspot was in a part of the pasture that he aught not be in.
My head tilts. Redspot's head tilts. I chuckle and say. "Now how did you get over there?" And well Redspot answered with more ruckus. I'm not fluent in horse by anymeans...but I'm pretty sure he was telling me exactly how he got over there and wasn't happy by any means about it. I sat and politely listened to the ruckus. Mostly because I was actually surprised I'd gotten an answer and only partly because...well it felt rude not to listen.
"Alright, I can see you are not happy over there. I'll come get you but you have to promise not to trample me or anything of the sort." Of course I was answered with more ruckus and very seriously hoped it was a 'why thank you I'd much appreciate that.' and not a 'Don't you dare or I'll turn you into grass food.'
So I opened the back gate, stepped inside, stepped around shipping crate type thing that sits in the back pasture, work up enough courage to move past the big thing to the pony....only to get charged. Strangely enough, there wasn't a life flashing before eyes or anything moment...only a "Oh God my mother is going to kill me for even attempting this."
Eyes closed and caught between a big shipping crate and what I can only guess what was once an old couch that belonged to my cousin the next thing I knew was there was a horse head tucking right under my arm and ....well..whimpering. An exhale of breath and a very tentative "I really shouldn't be petting you because I'm so allergic I break out and already sick as it is" sort of few pats later and Redspot seemed to be less upset. So I then very carefully and very much against the little voice in my head going 'this isn't one of your brightest ideas woman', took Redspot's er...face harness thing that I can't remember what they are called... and began leading him to the small back gate.
Correcting began TRYING to lead him back to the small back gate. You know that old cliche about "You can lead a horse to water but you can't make it drink"? Well I can't even lead a horse :C
I tried ever peaceful negotiation tactic I knew of...which at that moment was mostly begging and trying to offer a hand full of grass for him to follow. Nope! Redspot was having none of it and in his disgruntled pfft told me just that.
"Well you don't want to stay out here obviously so what else am I supposed to do?" I asked the horse who just shook his head at me like I was an idiot for even thinking he'd go through the tiny gate...then took off out futher into the pasture he wasn't supposed to be in. "W-wait...where are you going now?"
"Pfft" Redspot responded after stopping a bit away from where I was.
We sat there frowning at each other for a good few moments until I got over my grumpiness of being sick and gave in to follow the horse. "FINE." Yeah I even said it through clinched teeth just so the horse got the point.
So a little game of follow the prancing pony later and we were brought to the BIG gate at the end of my driveway. "Seriously?" I ask the horse a still behind a bit.
"Pfft" The horse said and tossed his head as he came back towards me and circled.
"Alright alright I'm going I'm going." I grumbled, finally feeling very stupid that I was actually talking to the beasty. Several moments of fumbling with the latch later and the gate was open, Redspot was through...and prancing his way through my yard back to the gate of the pasture he was SUPPOSED to be in. I sit there blinking for several good moments realizing that the smart thing to have had done was just called the owners and let them deal with it...because NOW I had to get him back into another pasture at all.
A grumble and a sigh later I finally caught back up to Redspot who was munching on clover in front of this third gate....which...I must tell you gremlins must have tied up the latches on because...well.....yeah. After finally getting THAT undone and open I turn to tell Redspot "There... now you can go in."
"Pffft."Redspot said and continued to munch on his clover patch.
"Oh no. I went through all this...you ARE going in that gate." I reached for the face harness thing and...
"Pft" McFuzzbutt said from behind me and walked right past Redspot and I both.
"Uuuaaagh..." I said head dropping in annoyance. Again I restate that I should have just called the owners BUT...at this point...it was personal. That and I suddenly had a old chihuahua suddenly running up on all three of us and well...I didn't want Noki to be squished under hooves. I already had Redspot by the face harness so a few good tugs later and I finally got him into gate. I shoo the chihuahua away from McFuzzbutt because well...he's a mean pony...he nips at the other horses and such and I didn't want Noki to be beheaded by a horse....it's jut not an honorable way for a dog to go after all.
I grab McFuzzbutt's face harness and instantly his ears go back. Again I don't speak horse fluently but I remember ears going back was one of two things, I was either about to get bit....or something worse...
"Don't you even start with me. I know I can find a glue recipe online real easy like if you even try it." I said trying to sound brave and in charge...but being sick and scared for my life make it come all all squeaky and....er...not in charge.
"Gppft" McFuzzbutt said like he didn't believe me as I tugged at the face harness trying to get him to move off the patch of clover he was munching on. I pulled...and pulled..and pulled....but this pony....was being a mule. Mule moved right into jackass once the tugging and pulling got to interrupting the clover snack. "Wrrrmppfhhh." It was not a happy sound and I only thought his ears were back before.
"GRRRR." Noki was back and I think my heart might of stopped for a moment in fear she was about to get both of us hurt.
McFuzzbutt's ear's went forward at her all '????' Like maybe he was confused why something that was smaller than a cat just growled at him.
"No no Noki." I said trying to stay calm because while I don't speak horse...I speak dog fluently and knew my Chihuahua was about to seriously toss off the gloves and go for it.
"Wrrrmpffhhmm" McFuzzbutt said at the sound of my voice like he was just insulted by my resistance at the moment. Well what ever that means in horse Noki didn't take too kindly to it and did that angry little dog rush and slew of angry barking.
McFuzzbutt didn't know what Noki was and he wasn't about to pause to ask either. I was knocked on my rear into a clover patch and he took off back through the gate, Noki grumble barking at him from my side suddenly, scratching at the ground with her rear paws, tearing up clover in the process.
I exhale again. Then blink over at my dog with a quirked brow. Noki is looking at me like she was utterly disappointed I couldn't handle that little task on my own. I of course in my grumpy sickness stood up quickly, brushed myself off and did the one thing that keeps Humans in charge....used my thumbs... to retie all the gate latches. I looked at Nokie...she snorts at me. "Thanks...." I say weakly realizing I'm not grumpy at her...only grumpy because I'm sick. "Good dog." I make sure she knows.
She sits right down next to my foot with a huff that tells me I'm an idiot for trying to do such a thing on my own...and gives McFuzzbutt a glare to let me know she still loves me. I re-gremlinfy the latches, point at McFuzzbutt and go "BAD HORSE" and then spend a few moments watching Redspot being surrounded and loved on by the other ponies that apparently had also missed him. I smile down at Noki feeling accomplished and more than slightly proud my Chihuahua is like a tiny terror to everybody but me. She looks at me, sneezes/snorts as she stands and heads back to the house with me close behind.
Of course when we get in I'm punished at once as she goes and tells Steven Thomas that I had gone touching other animals again...and he of course makes sure I'm scolded for petting anybody but Noki. And with in the time it has taken me to type all these shenanigans up....she's back curled up at my side and all is right with the world again. ...
Well...besides still being sick as "all get out"....
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